7dp5dt

I promise I won’t do this everyday till the 23rd lol!!! But this is by far the darkest and most obvious BFP I have ever gotten. Trying not to get overly excited but it’s really beginning to seem more real 🙂

6dp5dt

A little update….. I am 6dp5dt and doing pretty good.  I caved and used some sticks starting at 3dp5dt (reeeeeally early so wasn’t expecting anything, but was bored haha) And to my surprise got a faint BFP on 4dp5dt! And has continued to look better and better, but I still have that chemical pregnancy fear in the back of my mind.  I know my sister told me “DO NOT pee on any sticks!,” but I really prefer to have an idea of whats going on before some nurse I don’t know drops a nuclear bomb on our lives.  I just keep praying God will let this or these little beans keep growing 🙂

On a side note when I first started seeing a faded line I posted on an infertility site I’ve found to be comforting and supportive through this whole process.  I was shocked as I experienced what I call “Infertility bullying.”  I was just looking for insight on what they thought this was looking like since last time I was very wrong.  I was bombarded with a lot of negative comments and anger.  It’s sad to see women who are all struggling with the same thing can’t be supportive or hold their tongue and bypass a post.  I started off almost in tears over the negativity then thought what my Mom always says “Hurting people hurt people.”  I chose to shutdown my account.  I’m going to continue to blog away on here with my wonderful, sweet, positive support group I have on here. I appreciate you guys more than you all know 🙂

Officially P.U.P.O.

Pregnant until proven otherwise!

Yesterday was the big day of our transfer.  We went in around 12:30 with 2 full bladders (yes, Johnny was determined to “endure the full bladder pain” with me) and went in for the transfer around 1.  I wore my special socks for this transfer…..kept me chuckling.

I was thrilled that for this transfer we got our ACTUAL doctor.  She came in and went over the plan of action.  We found out one of our embies didn’t survive the thaw 😦 but she had 2 prepared for transfer and 5 still frozen.  We had a AA and a BB transferred.  The transfer went wonderfully and they said it was the best visual transfer they’ve seen all day!  Here you can see the live ultrasound.  The long white line is the catheter the ball looking thing is the uterus and its VERY obvious when those little embies go flying in.

And here is the shot of our little ones.  You can definitely tell which one is the underdog, but they both look B.E.A.UTIFUL to us!

So now begins the dreaded two week wait.  Yesterday I spent the day on the couch and will be doing most of the same for today as well.  From all that I’ve read the people who actually rest post transfer have had great outcomes and I am a go go goer so two days I can handle.  I’ll be back at work tomorrow. Yesterday I definitely had some cramping and STARVING all the time (probably from the progesterone still.  I also started getting sore boobs and wild vivid dreams.  That happened right away for me, last transfer as well.

I believe God’s got this and I cannot wait to see how our story unfolds.

11 Day Countdown….

 

Last week we started our Del Estrogen injections in preparation for our frozen embryo transfer in 11 days.  Holy Crap was that needle terrifying.  Luckily my mom is a nurse and although she was out of town that day we were able to FaceTime her in to make sure we were doing this right.  It wasn’t as bad as I was anticipating.  We are doing these every 3rd day.

Before we started this cycle we were offered the chance to be a part of a clinical study about progesterone.  We could either end up with the suppositories (3x a day)or the oil version with the big needle and if we did participate ALL our meds would be paid for.  We went for it.  The other day we got notice we will be doing progesterone shots, which I am actually happier with.  This cycle is definitely a lot easier to deal with, but again the weight thing is becoming the death of me.  It’s so hard to be so short and put on a solid 10 lbs since starting this cycle.  I keep trying to keep “my eye on the prize” but EEK!  I think having weight on and a baby inside would be a lot easier to deal with than needles poking you like a pin cushion and weight packing on with no promise of the turnout.  If this cycle doesn’t work I may have to consider taking a break so I can feel like myself in my own skin again before starting another round.

IVF took over my body…

So as I type this I am laying on a yoga mat in the basement after doing TRX and running……my daily routine these days and its great! Except my body has changed so much since IVF I don’t even know what to expect this second time around in Dec.  I have acquired this new fat ring around my belly, hips and thighs that I have never had and an extra 7lbs.  It sucks.  So along with grieving a failed transfer I get to grieve the death of my old body too.  My question is come December is this going to get worse? I know there are more important things on our plate right now and “it’ll all be worth it in the end.”   But I can’t help but wonder if it doesnt work, am I left with new fat babies instead? I hate this.  Isn’t baby making supposed to be the easy part?

So yesterday I decided maybe I just need a change? Something drastic. So I chopped my hair off. LOL. I may be losing it…I don’t know, but oddly enough I am feeling more confident and a little more like myself with the new do.  Fresh beginning and a new me…..with no hair.  🙂

Keep on keeping on

So not much to update.  We are in the birth control pill part of our frozen embryo transfer.  We met with our RE a few weeks ago to discuss our game plan.  The good news was we qualified to be a part of this study they are doing so all our meds will be paid for.  We just don’t know whether we will be doing injections or suppositories of progesterone…seemed like a safe bet and our RE strongly suggested doing it since she was comfortable with us doing either or.  Our biggest decision right now is 1 or 2 embryos to transfer Dec 10.  We are leaning more towards 2 this round…..we have a few AA, AB and BB’s, so we were thinking of transferring one of our strongest looking ones and one of our weakest which is still a BB.  I can probably related to all the woman out there in this process, but I am so sick of this “hurry up and wait” mentality.  My last BCP will be on the 22 and then its injections and progesterone when instructed until the big day December 10. 

Begin Again

This week has been rough.  The grieving process over something that you only were able to hold on to for a few weeks is shocking.  That little bundle of cells was OUR baby and its crushing to see it come to an end.  I ended up in the Urgent Care last night with cramps so bad post IVF cycle and stopping all meds.  They gave me some amazing meds that stopped the cramping and knocked me out finally.  But honestly at this point it is hard to understand which hurts more the physical pain or the emotional pain.

We decided to get away for a few days this week and wound up in Berkeley Springs, WV.  It was nice to be in the mountains and just be together.  We got a call from our Dr. while we were there to discuss the 2nd Beta numbers that came in below 5.  She is confident in moving forward next cycle with a frozen embryo transfer of our 8 we have left.  This time we may even transfer 2.  So today my nurse sent me my protocol and the oh so familiar line up of shots to expect and date of transfer….Dec 10.  We will know our results by Dec. 23.  Johnny made a good point with saying “This will either be the best Christmas ever or a really really difficult holiday.”  I’m taking it day by day and hanging on to the promise God has given us.  There will be a light at the end of this tunnel.  We are just going to keep on keepin’ on.

Game over

at least for now.  Although 2nd beta is tomorrow I’m now getting negative pregnancy tests.  So bummed.

Feeling crappy

So I guess this is why they tell you NOT to do pregnancy tests before your first Beta.  We were getting faint positives starting on 6dp5dt an were letting ourselves get a little excited…..well today was the long awaited beta day and we got the new the numbers were at….drumroll please……22.8.  Yeah.  SUPER DISAPPOINTINGLY low.  I can’t even begin to express my amount of crap I am feeling.  They are retesting on Monday and have said that there’s still the “possibility” of the numbers going up and as optimistic as I want to be I just am not feeling it.  Right now I can’t even begin to think of doing another transfer and I should feel fortunate to have 8 beautiful embies on ice.  I just want to cry, yet I’m at work doing my last client’s hair and I really don’t think I want to do that to her lol.  I guess we’ll see what happens Monday and what our next step is.

3 Days past transfer

So I haven’t written in awhile mostly because I’ve been exhausted.  Prior to transfer I was told I had mild OHSS so I went home and drank gatorade and pedialyte till I was about to bust. 

The next day I was feeling SO much better and the bloat had gone down some, although I still appeared a few months pregnant.  The bloat has for sure been the worst! But all the salt helped me feel SO much for comfortable and in turn gave the Dr. the okay to proceed with the transfer.

An embryo transfer has to be done on a full bladder so I was finishing up some water on the way to the office.  We got there a little early and began waiting for that big moment……and waiting…….and waiting………I’m pretty patient, but on a full bladder I was dying.  The Dr. was running about 20 min late and it felt like an eternity.  Finally we got called back and Johnny got to wear some awesome booties.  I’ll never forget how nervous the poor guy was.  “I’m so nervous I think I’m going to paint” Hahaha “I mean faint…oh my gosh.”   We both got a good laugh before the Dr. came in and said they had a beautiful 5 day Blast ready for us.

The embryologist came in and we got to see our little embie.  It was just crazy to see what we have been praying and hoping for.  This itsy bitsy bundle of cells that could possibly be our baby.

The Dr. took the catheter and delivered it where it should be and just like that the transfer was complete.  We sat around for a few minutes and then were allowed to leave.  It still seems really surreal. Now we pray that this little embie sticks and continues to grow.  We were also told today that 8 of our others made it to freeze which is wonderful news.  Now to finish the 2 week wait!  We go in for our blood test on the 23rd and it couldn’t come soon enough!

Post transfer ….. not sure why Johnny did that face:)